I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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