jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
