So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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