Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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