no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
