i think i have two assholes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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