I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
