white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
