Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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