He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
