And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize