We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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