on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We left the knife in your bed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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