i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
