I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
