every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
