Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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