My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
