You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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