i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
