When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
