it hurts more in the daytime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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