She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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