I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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