I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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