Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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