I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
