It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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