Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
