Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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