Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
