I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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