Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
