you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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