He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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