"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i drank out of a bidet.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
