Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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