before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
