I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
