bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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