She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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