He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
