Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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