she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
