Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
