If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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