the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
