i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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