how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
