I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
