how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
