my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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