I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
