My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
