I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
