I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
