Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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