i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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