how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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