For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
