Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
