There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
