I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
