also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
